I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
