3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
