Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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