omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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