Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
