i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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