pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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