just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
