Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
