You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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