i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
