There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
