Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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