he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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