I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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