there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
