go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
