i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I believe in your delicious
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
