am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
