Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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