if you like me you must not know who I am
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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