just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number