you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.