I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.