Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.