Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
did i just pee glitter
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize