yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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