Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
wow bdsm is so cute
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
