My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize