Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
