I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
