True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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