Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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