You smell like a Billy Joel song
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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