So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
