I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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