I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just threw up on my dentist
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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