Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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