I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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