he shaved USA in his pubs
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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