So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
