rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
