Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
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Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
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Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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