Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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