I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
sex in a hospital.. check
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
