Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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