Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
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Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
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We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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