someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
