Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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