New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
