Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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