I think scott just propositioned me for sex
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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