I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
