Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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