What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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