u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
