next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
