o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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