Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
