If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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