I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
