he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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